Hey There, Tiger!
Six simple ways to remember campers’ names and strengthen connections
By Chris Thurber
Like all other activities at camp, the success of adventure programming hinges on a trusting relationship between adult staff members and the young participants. Without this relationship in place, most people—especially the young ones—are not willing to try new things, make mistakes, persevere, and take healthy risks. Memorizing and using kids’ names is an essential cornerstone of building a trusting relationship. If only that were easy.
© Can Stock Photo / Dorian2013
As it turns out, people’s names are one of the most difficult things to remember.[1] To understand why, here is a three-sentence neuroscience lesson: To recall a piece of information requires it be stored in the long-term memory. To move a piece of information from the working memory (also called “short-term memory”) to the long-term memory requires intentional effort. When we meet a new person and hear the name, most of us do not put in any focused effort.
We might think we’ll be able to recall a person’s name later, but everyone has had the experience of instantly forgetting the name, so I hope you don’t need much convincing that it’s difficult to remember names. Now, you also know that it makes neurological sense. It also feels good when someone remembers your name, even after meeting you once. It should feel good, right? Names are a centerpiece of our identity.
Clearly, learning names is a skill worth mastering, especially for youth-development professionals, like you … um … what’s your name again, sport? Just kidding.
So, instead of coy monikers, such as sport, tiger, dude, girl, fellah, or the ever-popular camper, here are four ways to put in the effort to make hundreds of new names stick. Of course, you can always fall back on, “What’s up, camper?” or “Hey there, Tiger!” but why do that when the power of calling kids (or fellow staff members or anyone else) by their name is within reach?
Clever Juliet
Juliet, the heroine of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, was spot-on when she lamented, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.” Ten lines earlier, when she croons, “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?” it is clear she has memorized her heartthrob’s name. More on that later.
Juliet’s main point is the same one that linguists have made for nearly a century: Names are arbitrary. In Mandarin, rose is written 玫瑰 and pronounced may-gway; in Hindi, rose is written गुलाब and pronounced goo-LAHB; and so on. The point is that changing the label for a thing does not change the thing’s essence. At camp, that child is Finley, and the one over there is Cheyanne. They would be the same people if their names were Balthazar and Alara. The arbitrary nature of names means that recalling which child is connected to which particular forename is exquisitely difficult.[2] Now you know the linguistic basis for the self-deprecating claim, “I’m terrible with names.”
What else can we learn from Juliet’s successful memorization? After all, she remembers Romeo’s name after hearing it just once, and not even from Romeo’s lips (which the thunderstruck duo spend a good chunk of Act 1, Scene 5 talking about), but from her personal servant. Not bad, especially for someone who came to the party knowing her fancy parents were arranging for her to marry the even fancier Count Paris.
The keys to Juliet’s remembering Romeo’s name are the same keys we must all use to unlock our memory’s potential: connection and repetition.
Strategy 1: Connection
To reliably remember someone’s name, you must grab some mental glue and stick it to something easy to remember. In other words, you must connect an arbitrary word (the name) to a story, picture, word, or feeling that pops quickly into your head. This exercise will transform an arbitrary, hard-to-remember name into an easy-to-recall piece of meaningful information. Memory researchers call this act of mental gymnastics a mnemonic. (No need to remember that word, though once I tell you that it is one of the precious few English words that begin with a silent “m,” you probably will remember it. See how I did that?)
Juliet Capulet has it easy, from a mnemonic standpoint. She and Romeo fall in love instantly, even before they know one another’s names. So strong is their infatuation that, after talking for only a few minutes, then parting ways, Juliet decides to drop her betrothed. Thus, she has an easy-to-remember story (their flirtatious conversation at the party) and an impossible-to-forget feeling (love at first sight), so it’s no wonder she remembers Romeo’s name after hearing it only once.
The same can be said for Romeo Montague, who is so smitten that he forgets all about his girlfriend Rosaline, ditches his two besties after leaving the party, and sneaks into the Capulet family’s orchard, searching for the apple of his eye (pun intended). As you remember, he finds Juliet swooning on the balcony of her Verona bedroom, calling his name into the night. Romeo then launches into one of the most famous soliloquies in history. As with Juliet, Romeo has a story and a feeling to which he can glue Juliet’s name.[3]
Strategy 2: Repetition
Following their initial, lusty tryst, both Romeo and Juliet say the other person’s name a lot. Repetition like that helps move whatever is in the short-term memory into the long-term memory. The related strategy of “spaced repetition,” when a few seconds, minutes, or hours pass between restating someone’s name, is even more powerful than rapidly repeating, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, or whatever the person’s name is. The longer the space between repetitions, the harder the brain works to retrieve the information from the memory. This mental workout strengthens memories in a similar way to how a physical workout’s repetition strengthens muscles. You can use rehearsal or spaced rehearsal by saying a new name, using it aloud in conversation, writing it down (on paper or in the imagination), or quizzing yourself as you visually scan the faces of the people you’re with.
To use the strategies of connection and repetition to remember campers’ names do this:[4]
A. Focus during introductions. When a camper says, “I’m Joel,” listen carefully. Tune out distractions and repeat the name once in your head. (Repetition #1)
B. Say the name aloud immediately. Reply by saying something like, “Oh, hey, Joel. It’s nice to meet you, Joel.” (Repetitions #2 and #3)
C. Create mental connections. While looking at a camper’s face[5], choose a standout feature. Maybe Joel has curly hair. (Connection #1) Now, find a word that also begins with “j,” such as jam. Picture a glob of strawberry jam in Joel’s hair. (Connection #2).
D. Rehearse connections. Say to yourself (not aloud), “Joel has curly hair. I can imagine jam in his curls that’s starting to drip down his face on a hot summer day. Jam will remind me of another ’j’ word: Joel. Jam = Joel.” (Connection #3) The silliness of this image will make it easy to remember.
E. Test connections. Enjoy some small talk with the camper, then ask yourself, “What is this kid’s name?” Maybe you’ve forgotten, maybe not. Either way, ask yourself, “What easy-to-remember facial feature did I pick for this kid?” Visually scan his face. You’ll instantly remember you noted his curly hair. Then, almost automatically in your mind’s eye, you’ll see the glob of jam atop his head, with a few sticky drips oozing onto his forehead. Finally, you’ll recall the association between two “j” words and think to yourself, “Jam. Joel.” (Connection practice) At this point, there’s a good chance you’ve moved his name from the loading dock of your working memory into the warehouse of your long-term memory.
F. Use what you learned. In a natural way, insert the camper’s name into a conversation, either immediately or in the near future. For example, you might say, “Listen, Joel, we’re about to start a game of kickball? Wanna join?” (Repetition #4) You might even have a chance to add, “Hey, everybody! This is Joel.” (Repetition #5)
Practicing these six steps will feel deliberate and time-consuming at first, perhaps a little clunky. After a while, Steps A-F will begin to feel automatic and efficient. The combination of connection and repetition works remarkably well, so the motivation to continue using them will be so effective you’ll never stop. Again, this process takes practice, so always begin subsequent social interactions by asking yourself, “What’s that person’s name?”
Here are three other, camps-specific strategies, each of which is a derivative of connection and/or repetition.
Strategy 3: Stories
An effective elaboration of Step C is to engage each new camper in a conversation in which you say the name frequently (repetition) and ask about the camper’s home, family, hobbies, favorite animals, or activities the camper is looking forward to, etc. (connection). Those personal details may seem inconsequential, but they are like the scaffolding on a building under construction. They support a memory that’s under construction by gluing unique, easy-to-remember details to an arbitrary name.
© Can Stock Photo / halfpoint
Strategy 4: Games
As a matter of politeness and inclusion, I recommend playing the Name Game within the first hour of each session’s opening day. Most day and overnight camps are logically grouped into 8 to 12 campers, which is the perfect size to sit in a circle. If not, make your own groups. Then, to maximize the game’s benefits, play it in a way that incorporates both repetition and connection. Simply quizzing the group by asking, “Can anyone say everyone else’s name in the group?” may allow one or two campers to shine, and it does use some repetition, but the benefits for you and the other campers are minimal.
A more effective and less scholastic-sounding way to start the Name Game is by saying something like, “Hello again, everyone! Thanks for gathering ‘round. Once again, welcome to camp! I’d like us all to learn one another’s names because it’s a great way to connect us, as a group. When it’s your turn, please say your name, nice and loud. Then, tell us how you spell it and how you pronounce it. Then, share one place in the world you’d like to visit someday … and tell why. If you want, you can also say—now or at any other time—what pronouns you use. I’ll start. My name is Chris, he/him/his. I spell my name C-H-R-I-S, and I pronounce it ‘kris.’ Someday, I’d like to visit Antarctica because I love penguins, and I also love photography, so I think Antarctica would be an awesome place to take some cool penguin photographs.”
Proceed around the circle until everyone has had a turn. After each person speaks, thank them for sharing by using their name (repetition) and citing their fantasy travel destination (connection). For example, “Thanks, Nat. I hope you get to visit [name of place] someday because [their reason].” Then, it’s on to the next person.
Strategy 5: Signs
As a supplement to the Name Game, ask campers to make name signs with colorful markers and either 4x6 index cards or a quarter sheet of recycled paper from the camp office. (Always ensure that the scrap paper has nothing confidential printed on the other side.) Each sign should have the hand-written camper’s name in big block letters, along with a personal fun fact, plus any other snippets of information the camper selects. If stickers or glitter glue is available, campers can decorate their name signs.
At overnight camps, kids can tape or pin the completed name signs to their individual bed frames. At day camps, kids can tape signs to their cubby, locker, or line-up location. The idea is for campers to post the signs in a place where they are routinely standing, sitting, or lying down. That personal placement gives everyone—including campers in other groups who pass by—an opportunity to learn new names or remember names they once learned, without having to ask. As such, these name signs serve a similar function as name tags at conferences, minus the risk of kids losing the signs while they change clothes throughout the day. Once they are in place, the signs also give you an opportunity to remember campers’ names by looking at a card rather than a camper’s face. That’s a fun and effective way to reverse the usual sequence of first recognizing a face and then trying to recall the person’s name.
Strategy 6: Lists
A final strategy, often used by teachers and other youth leaders, is a variant of the reversed quiz idea. The director can give each staff member a list of the kids in a group, cabin, or bunk, along with a longer roster of all the campers in a unit, division, or troupe. Your task is to memorize every name before the session’s opening day, or at least familiarize yourself with the subset you’ll be leading directly. When names are familiar, they become more accessible in your mind. In turn, the names are easier to connect with the new faces, as opposed to hearing these names for the first time.
Especially impressive is memorizing first and last names, along with the hometowns of the 8 to 12 campers for whom you are responsible (if that’s how your camp groups kids). Shaking a camper’s hand when you smile and asking the name is welcoming in a traditional way. Adding, “Oh, Isam Hadad from Boston!” adds a surprisingly friendly touch. And if a parent happens to be present, you will have won their hearts and earned their confidence. It’s not as if parents wonder, How did he know that? But they do think, This staff member is genuinely interested in my child. I feel reassured.
Pronunciation
My wife emigrated from the former Yugoslavia to the U.S. when she was 18. Her name, Simonida (pronounced see-moe-NEE-dah) is rare in present-day Serbia. But in the U.S., it’s practically unheard of. After 26 years together, we still appreciate how her unusual name helps us hang up quickly on telemarketers. “Hi, may I speak with … um … Sim … Simone … Sss—” Click.
At camp, expect to encounter some names with which you’re unfamiliar. Playing the Name Game as I recommended—with repetition, spelling, and proper pronunciation built in—will help you get the new names right. Still, the exact pronunciation may be a problem. The best strategy is to simply say so. I like saying, “I want to be sure I’m pronouncing your name correctly” instead of “That’s an unusual name” because it may or may not be unusual in that person’s social circle. And definitely avoid judgmental statements, such as, “That’s a weird one!” or “Woah, woah, woah! What did you say your name was?”
Forget It
Despite diligently incorporating the six strategies in this article, you will forget some campers’ names. And some of them will forget your name. When that happens, it behooves everyone to be gracious. When people forget your name, which can often be detected from having it left out of sentences where it would normally be inserted, you can save them from asking by subtly stating it yourself. You might say, “OK, friends! The pitcher for the Blue Team will be Chris—that’s me. And the pitcher for the Gray Team will be Sarah” or “Listen, gang, the head lifeguard came up to me this afternoon and said, ‘Chris, we need one more guard for the afternoon swim,’ so I offered to help out.”
If you forget other people’s names, just ask, “Could you please tell me your name again?” and then force yourself to use a combination of repetition and connection so it stays in the memory. Even if you have to ask again, you are showing interest in that person’s identity, which itself is a wonderful way to strengthen connection. Sure, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but if roses could hear and speak, they would also tell us how good it feels to be called by name.
Christopher Thurber, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and faculty member at Phillips Exeter Academy. He created Prep4Camp.com, the only evidence-based homesickness prevention program, and co-authored the best-selling Summer Camp Handbook with Dr. Jon Malinowski. His newest book, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure, includes eight ways adults can transform harmful pressure to healthy pressure. Learn more about the work that Chris does with schools, camps, and companies on www.DrChrisThurber.com
Footnotes
[1] Burnett, D. (2017). The Idiot Brain (2nd Ed.). London: Faber & Faber.
[2] Note that choosing a name, which many parents have the privilege of doing, is typically not arbitrary, but thoughtful. Additionally, many names have traditional meanings, historical significance, and personal relevance. When linguists say names are arbitrary, they do not mean names are chosen haphazardly, nor that names have no etymology or personal importance. They mean only that the word or words that make up a person’s name can theoretically be different without changing the appearance of that person’s physical body. In other words, there is no preset link between how a person looks and what a person calls himself or herself.
[3] Interestingly, Shakespeare’s play never includes a character explicitly telling Romeo what Juliet’s first name is. Her personal servant (the Nurse) does tell Romeo that her last name is Capulet, but that’s all. A minute later, at the end of Act 1, Scene 5, when only Juliet and her servant are on-stage, someone (not Romeo) calls from off-stage, “Juliet!” Perhaps Romeo heard this shout and made the connection. Who knows? Maybe he did more recon before Act 2. These days, many people conduct their own background checks via social media, company directories, and friends.
[4] Type “remember names” in YouTube’s search bar to quickly access some excellent presentations on similar sequences of name-remembering strategies.
[5] Unlike with arbitrary names, we never have to try to remember a face. The human brain has a specialized part of each temporal lobe (located behind the ears) called the fusiform gyrus, which effortlessly encodes between 1,000 and 10,000 human faces. That automatic process makes evolutionary sense. Remembering whether a person in front of you was violent or kind the last time you encountered him or her has obvious survival benefits. Remembering a name is comparatively trivial, from a survival standpoint.