Power Praise In Programs
Use these six principles to make compliments count
By Chris Thurber
The phrase “effective praise” might sound redundant. All praise feels good and increases desirable behaviors, right? Wrong. Some forms of praise fall flat and do little to shape future behavior. Ineffective praise is typically broad, outcome-focused, or both. Classic examples are “Good job” or “Way to go.” When I visit camps to deliver mid-season staff-training workshops, I hear lots of staff members shout these phrases.
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You may truly believe that a camper’s performance was good or nice, so statements like these can be true. But they are weak, not powerful, forms of praise because they fail to communicate exactly what the camper did or how that person achieved excellence.
A camp skit night or talent show, for example, has so many different lines, cues, and set changes—some of which may not have gone as planned—that telling a camper, “Great job in the thing tonight” will feel at least imprecise and at worst inaccurate. In either case, it is relatively shallow verbal communication. (Program staff, take heart! You’re not alone. Parents offer equally ineffective comments to their kids, such as: “Awesome A in English” or “Love the marks in math.”)
Praising Positive Outcomes
Focusing praise on stellar outcomes may make some campers smile briefly, but such praise lacks the power to strengthen a relationship or shape future behavior because it ignores the methods and effort the campers used to achieve their best. You see the irony here, right? Whatever the program area, you may intend your praise of positive outcomes to lead to more of those in the future, but it will not.
Whether teaching swimming or basketball, the excellent performance of players at the heart of any positive outcome is what feels good to kids. They may have learned how to do the backstroke or set a pick, and the increased competence that comes from practice feels great. Whatever subsequent recognition they receive also feels good. Just remember that certificates, trophies, ribbons, and titles are proxies for excellent performance. Like paper money, these awards represent something of value, but they do not have intrinsic value. What does have value and what does feel good is performing well in a game, at a match, in a contest, on a stage, and so on, especially after working hard to prepare, and especially if the performance brought joy to other people or helped them in some way.
Redirect The Focus
Another reason that praising positive outcomes is less impactful than praising efforts is the campers who have performed well—or poorly, as the case may be—have already experienced the effort-outcome link. And if they have done well, they have also enjoyed the inherent gratification of a successful outcome. Effective praise, by comparison, does not focus on outcomes. Instead, it has some or all of the Six S’s:
Soon
Spontaneous
Sincere
Specific
Striving
Stand-alone.
Here’s what they mean:
Soon: Offer the praise soon after witnessing or learning about the good behavior, rather than much later, as an afterthought.
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Spontaneous: Offer praise freely. No one needs a prompt to offer the praise, including campers, by asking, “What do you think?” Praise lacks potency if kids have to fish for it.
Sincere: You genuinely feel that a camper has put forth praiseworthy effort or accomplished something that, for that person, deserves credit. Sincerity will shine through in tone, word choice, and body language. Don’t feel it? Don’t say it.
Specific: Cite details in praise that prove close attention was paid. Attentiveness feels good to campers. And the specifics, especially regarding the methods used, help those campers replicate the praiseworthy action.
Striving: Praise focuses on a camper’s effort rather than on an outcome. This builds grit and decreases harmful pressure by shifting focus away from the outcome.
Stand-alone: Praise is not a prelude to “but,” such as “The colorful adjectives made your campfire story more vivid, but the main character’s motivation was still unclear.”
In this last example, both the praise and the criticism may be accurate. The problem is that phrases beginning with but can negate the preceding praise. The coach of the inter-camp soccer team might say, “You played a great match, but really choked in the last five minutes.” Or the program specialist who leads the cooking class might say, “You followed the recipe carefully, but the bottom of every cookie is burned.” These examples contain two-part statements in which both parts can be true. Unfortunately, the critical but phrase in the second half of the sentence erases the praise in the first half.
Learning From Mistakes
The coach in all of us is now screaming, “What about learning from mistakes?” Relax, there will be time to discuss mistakes and improvements later, but if praise is to mean something now, let it stand alone and sink in. Imagine how much more powerful the praise would feel if simply said, “You played a great match” or “You followed the recipe carefully.”
Interestingly, kids usually add their own critique after hearing effective praise, such as: “Yeah, but I really choked in the last set” or “Yeah, but the bottom of every cookie is burned.” At that point, you might follow the camper’s lead and discuss mistakes and improvements. When campers initiate a critique of their own performance, the discussions that follow are usually fruitful and do not detract from any praise offered.
Offering praise soon, spontaneously, and sincerely gives it the right timing, origin, and tone. When praise cites specifics, emphasizes striving, and stands alone (without a but statement attached), it sticks. To level your program game this coming season, incorporate as many of the Six S’s of effective praise as possible, and try to avoid their opposites.
Christopher Thurber, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and faculty member at Phillips Exeter Academy. He created Prep4Camp.com, the only evidence-based homesickness prevention program, and co-authored the best-selling Summer Camp Handbook with Dr. Jon Malinowski. His newest book, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure coaches caregivers on healthy ways to set children on their unique path to success. Learn more about the work that Chris does with schools and camps on DrChrisThurber.com.
Note: This article was adapted from the author’s latest book, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure, available online and in bookstores everywhere.